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OMG I'm back agaaaiiin *dun dun nuh nuhhh*
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Wow. I think the last post I did was in 2006...that was six years ago. The internet is a fabulous thing. I look back and read the stuff I wrote and it really gets the memory juices flowing. It reminds me of how happy I am NOT to be working at Camp Connection anymore (even though I haven't worked there for years) and hopefully will never have to work retail again. Kinda wish I'd had this during my restaurant days...woooo boy. I'd have shit to rant about then. Make my little teenage world look like a freakin' joke.

Anyway, I am definitely supposed to be productive right now and I'm not. I think I've looked at all the pictures of lichen that I can stand for tonight. Also starting to understand how I got such horrible wrists...this shit is hard on your joints. Anyway, you know your old when your home on a saturday night and you couldn't care less. I remember being just beside myself if I wasn't out with someone. But I really appreciate my down time.

The saddest part is my biggest issue was boys back then. I have other things to deal with now, but boys...or lack of...is still one of them. It scares me to see I'm in the same position I was six years ago. I have an assload of experience and heartache to show for it...but I'm still at zero. Although if I ever met teenage me I'd probably laugh at myself. I really just knew nothing at all. Like nothing. I'm still trying to figure it out, in ways that I still can't believe I'm starting to uncover, but I feel like a middle aged woman when I read my posts. I was a great writer, though...LOL and I had a horrible potty mouth. I still swear like a sailor, but holy shit...F-bomb city.

I KNOW i've been productive but I feel like I did nothing today. I finished stats, fixed up my restoration assignment and studied for two I.D. tests. And I cleaned like a champ. But it doesn't feel like enough. Maybe I'll memorize some plankton...

Thats another thing. Reading about Animation Me is weird. Seeing how pumped I was and how hard I worked freaks me out. I know a lot more about the world now and feel like I have the "tools" to really succeed, but...knowing I had that much heart into it and I still failed is pretty scary. Although the memories will always be there...and it is about the journey. So I regret nothing. Also...do....I sense procrastination? Wow have I changed. I am a freakin' keener now. Like almost next level, but not quite that extra. I think teen me would be disgusted at old me, hahaha. Old me. Shut up, me. My aunt would punch me for saying that.

MEMEMEMEME

Anyway. Reading all my old RPG's makes me want to get back into it again. I mean, why the fuck not? I'm not only an animation geek, I am now a science nerd. Like...I can sink no lower, except to be a trekkie, which is actually never going to happen ever. So there we go. I'm so much girlier now...well duh. I wear pink. Actually, I wear color. I hated color. I would only wear red and blue. Still love blue, though. Red is actually hard to rock...its very harsh. I like pastels :D Although red dresses are effin hot and always necessary.

WOW USELESS CONVO! GO ME

OK tomorrow I will make plankton net and study zeh little planktons, and then I will feel like I succeeded at something. Also, if I can totally finish the CRP, that would be wicked-skittles. Then I'd really feel productive. TAKE THAT SCHOOL YAH! YAAAAAH!

Also. Placement. And job. Placement...and job. Although I wonder how important this placement really is if I plan on hunting for jobs anyway. I dont expect it to actually lead to anything. We'll see, though. Trying to leave that part up to the universe and just follow my ques. It's worked so far...hopefully it'll work this time. I strangely and thankfully do not regret not applying to costa rica. As much fun as it would have been, it is not what I want and does not fit in with my goals. So, had to be scratched. Also, "J"...interesting. I really wonder sometimes the extend of like...how that guy feels about me. He hasn't been eyeing me as hard this semester which is awesome because it made class and lectures pretty strange. Like it was actually impossible for me not to break out into a giant girly grin. And not even because I was so excited he was paying attention to me...but more out of shock. He really has balls...what if I was effing nuts? I guess he'd just deny, deny, deny...but I could really make a scene if I wanted to. Although I guess "HE STARES AT ME! HE GIVES ME SEXY EYES!" isn't really enough to go on to get staff in trouble.

I'm not gonna lie though, between him and "A", my pride is staying in tact. I kinda need that. It's hard not to feel down on myself with the lack of attention I've been getting since I've started school here. It kind of makes me want to say to myself "SEE! It's only because there were barely any options that you got so much attention in animation. Now that there are pretty girls around, you dont amount to much." But if I can get the two most attractive professors attentions without even trying...I feel much better.

I dont know what it is thats keeping the kiddies away from me (and to be honest I am THANKFUL!) but it can't be because I'm ugly. That, or I'm ugly, and "A" and "J" have really bad taste. Totally possible. It could also be my air of "i dont give a crap". that could be putting them off, LOL. I definitely do not want unwanted attention...I have had quite enough of that. Only wanted attention now, please :D

Although for the record, I did get to have one other boyfriend before yet another period of intense singleness. This time, I was the one to get dumped. Although it came from nowhere. Stupid boys. Honestly.

I guess I should probably go to bed soon considering my serious lack of sleep the last two days due to my FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT COUGH. Oh my GOD. Go AWAY! I actually wish the magic school bus was real so I could srink down and find out what the titty fuck is going on. Except..I guess *I* couldnt. I'd have to let them do it. Whatever I'd still be happy with it.

But I must say, head space wise, I feel the best I've felt in a long time. I just feel in the moment and ready to make my own future. I'm not worrying too much about boys right now and it's actually really nice. This is probably the longest I've gone without having some kind of romantic interest since I was like...18. There's always been someone kind of...on the scene, but never really in a positive way, with the exception of my Ex who went from super positive to "GOFUCKYOURSELFDICKHEAD" faster then I realized could actually happen. Although I think what happened with us is fairly normal in the dating world, I am still angry at him. I'm not bitter in general at all, but I'm angry at him. So I guess it's a good thing he hasnt talked to me....although, THATS whats making me so mad, so nevermind.

Alsssoooo...I need to stop writing and start getting ready for bed. Like legit. Like come on. LIKE COME ON MEEE COME OOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN...nn...

I think im really happy I stumbled across this journal again. It feels good to get things off my chest. Although tonight probably not the most eventful night ever...wait till I start complaining about my classmates. Woo! Also I'm really glad I didnt overly gush about the stupid crushes I had when I was in school. I want to punch myself when I think of it. I was really young so its ok, but it drives me nuts. I wish I had a time machine...I'd go back in time and tell me how it really is.

OKAY IM DONE GOODNIGHT!

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